3. CONSTRUCTING SUCCESS
In September I'm teaching "Constructing Success," a special 4-week tele-class for Newfield Network Graduates.
I reach for a piece of wood. It turns into a lute.
I do some meanness. It turns out helpful.
I say one must not travel during the holy month.
Then I start out, and wonderful things happen.
--Rumi, from Unseen Rain, Quatrains of Rumi, by John Moyne and Coleman Barks
This tele-class aims to produce a shift in the observer you are around your own notion of success and will leave you declaring a passionate commitment to creating the next level of success for yourself.
Using excerpts from Christopher Cowan and Don Edward Beck's book Spiral Dynamics as a frame for exploration, this course will have you look at "success" in a very different light and will have you explore questions such as:
- How do I construct success for myself?
- What are my 'breakdowns' around being in business?
- What is the historic drift for this conversation? And where am I in this drift?
- Where does who/how I am as an observer disappear into what I think I know?
- What is the "body" of success in business?
- What happens to me when I imagine being that body?
- What are the costs of that body disposition?
- What is enough?
Classes will be held Monday: 1-2 p.m. Eastern Time, Sept. 9. 16, 23, 30. To register, call 301-570-6680 or e-mail susan@newfieldnetwork.com . Tuition is $189 for the series and registration is limited to 25. (Current CPPM West participants are invited to attend at a discounted tuition of $99.)
4. OPEN FOR BUSINESS: FORGIVENESS-THE ESSENTIAL BUSINESS SKILL
How's your forgiveness quotient? If you're not able to forgive skillfully, you're wasting precious energy that you need to build, manage, and enjoy a thriving business.
Maria Nemeth, author of "The Energy of Money," says she's learned that forgiveness is a decision to let go of your story about what others have done to you and why. This definition says nothing about liking what is done to you. It simply says that forgiveness is the capacity to let go of your story about it.
Until and unless you develop the capacity to let go of your stories about what other people do to you, you'll stay locked in a struggle over events that are not in your control. What's more, this struggle keeps you stuck in time, unable to move forward for as long as you hang onto your story.
Here's an example of the practical importance of forgiveness taken from my work as publisher of The New Leaf.
Each week hundreds of people subscribe to The New Leaf using a double opt-in system. That means that in order to subscribe they must not only sign up but also respond to a confirmation email. This ensures that a third party can't add folks to the list without their knowledge.
Once people confirm their subscriptions they receive a welcome email from me. In spite of the double-opt-in system, there are always a few people who reply to that welcome email asking to be removed from the list. Sometimes these requests are hostile and rude, accusing me of spamming.
The obvious thing to do at this point is to remove folks from the subscription list, which I do. What's not so obvious is how to manage my interior response to the requests. What do I do with the feelings that come up when perfect strangers attack me for scheming against their privacy in spite of my best efforts to prevent spamming?
What I've learned to do with those feelings is to uncover the story under the feelings and see if I really want to hold onto that story.
You see, I have noticed that between the time when I am feeling fine (before I open my email) and the time that I start feeling angry or fearful, something happens. I'm not talking about reading the email, I'm talking about the story I made up about the email. It's that story that causes my anger or fear.
In other words, the feelings that arise are not the inevitable result of the content of my emails. There is always an element of participation on my part, and that participation is the story I tell myself to explain things.
Let's see if we can recreate a typical situation in slow motion so you can see the point at which I create or release the story that generates my negative feelings.
1. Initial context: I'm feeling fine, drinking my morning tea, opening email. 2. I open a message and see the words "REMOVE ME AT ONCE!!!!" in bold type. I see from the subject line and the email address that this must be in response to a New Leaf Welcome letter. 3. The content of the message is clear and simple: it is a request to be removed from my list. It calls for an equally simple response from me: yes, no, or a counter-offer. Because I only want the New Leaf to go to voluntary subscribers, there is no confusion about what action to take here. I will comply with the request. 4. But wait! How do I feel about this? Isn't it a little unfair that I, lovely person that I am, should be attacked for spamming someone when I go to considerable effort and expense to avoid that very thing? I spend a minute or two debating whether to write a note explaining that I never spam and that they signed up for this newsletter that they seem not to want.
It's easy to see where the trouble begins. It starts in step four when I start spinning a story about how unfair this is. I don't need that story in order to take care of business. I don't even need it to take care of myself. After all, I am not in danger. All I need is to comply with the request I received. I do not need to interpret the capital letters and the exclamation marks as personal attacks. They may be attacks; they may not be. But unless there is a clear business purpose for figuring that out, I don't need to go there.
It's easy, too, to see what this story can cost me. It can cost me time in feeling sorry for myself. I might spend time trying to justify myself. I might complain to others. I may find that even when I am not actually thinking about this, it is eating at me, stealing the joy from my work and replacing it with an edgy resentment.
So I choose to forgive the folks who send me rude emails. I forgive by letting go of my story.
You may object that I do need to take spam complaints seriously, and you would be correct. But how does spinning a story about being unfairly attacked improve my ability to prevent accidental spam? How does spinning a story convince someone who forgot they signed up for my newsletter that they made a mistake? How does getting angry and defensive improve my ability to serve?
I'm always better off when I practice the fine art of forgiveness and let go of my story. This frees up tremendous amounts of energy that I can focus on creating what I want instead of defending against what I fear.
SIX STEPS TO LEARNING THE SKILL OF FORGIVENESS
Here are six simple steps you can use to identify and interrupt the stories that are getting in your way. The more you practice these steps, the more effective they will be. It is not necessary to want to get rid of your story, it is only necessary to do the steps and see what happens.
- Notice and name the feeling or feelings (disappointment, anger, fear, resentment, etc.)
- Complete the following sentence for each feeling:
- "I'm feeling ________ because _______________ ."
- The "because" part of your sentence is your story. What would happen if you let go of this story?
- If you are not willing to let go or the story right now, ask yourself if you can imagine letting go of the story at some time in the future.
- Live with your choice, knowing that it is a choice, and being willing to notice the costs and consequences of your decision.
These steps are a way of learning from your experience. In very little time you'll discover for yourself that the costs of holding onto your story are much greater than the costs of forgiveness. You won't have to force yourself to forgive, you'll find that it becomes the preferred option.
5. THE BEDSIDE TABLE
Thanks to Joel Elfman for bringing this book to my attention. It's quirky, informative, and fascinating. "Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation," by Olivia Judson.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0805063315/mollygordonperso
I mention Maria Nemeth's book, "The Energy of Money," in my Open for Business column this week. If you are not happy with the way you are about money, this is an essential read.
US: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345430999/mollygordonperso
audio cassette version: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1564555690/mollygordonperso
UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345434978/mollygordoncerti
UK audito cassette: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1564557014/mollygordoncerti
"Learned Optimism," Martin Seligman. Change your depression story to one of optimism and possibility. Seligman outlines powerful exercises and assessments to defuse and reverse habitual pessimism or what the author calls learned helplessness. Seligman does not oversimplify or recommend "positive thinking" as a nostrum, rather he promotes accurate assessment as a replacement for habitual negative thinking.
US: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0671019112/mollygordonperso
UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0671019112/mollygordoncerti
audio tape
US: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0671733842/mollygordonperso
UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0671733842/mollygordoncerti
Searching for a book or CD or other product on Amazon? When you use these links to Amazon search engines you support "The New Leaf." Please visit and bookmark them today.
US: http://www.mollygordon.com/searchbook.html
UK: http://www.mollygordon.com/eurobook.html
6. CREATING OPPORTUNITIES BY NETWORKING
- How many people do you meet during the course of a week? month? year?
- How many business meetings, conferences, and conventions do you attend?
- On a scale of 1 - 10, how would you rate your ability to capture opportunities, make friends, and build relationships with the people you meet?
If you rated yourself anything lower than a 10, "Creating Opportunities by Networking" is for you.
"WOULD ABSOLUTELY RECOMMEND. 'Networking' is like a cookbook. It gave me a step-by-step action plan. I'm getting more out of my network, by helping others I'm helping myself."-- James Bridges, President, SHB Soft, Inc.
"FIVE STARS. 'Networking' is a great eBook. Concise, informative, and extremely helpful. A step-by-step instruction manual. Am now putting everybody into ACT!. The section on follow-up was great. Am getting more results from my networking activities because I'm attending more functions. Follow the steps. They work." --Rob Manne, Director of Sales & Marketing, Huppe Moore Landscape Company, Inc.
- Learn how to network.
- Learn how to work a room.
- Learn how to build relationships with the important people in your business and industry.
NO RISK - Satisfaction Guaranteed, or Your Money Back
Read more about this and Jeff's other great titles at http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=27096
7. COPYRIGHT | SPONSORS AND AFFILIATES | SUBSCRIBE/UN-SUBSCRIBE
Copyright (c) Shaboom, Inc. (tm) 2002. All rights reserved.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN: 1530-311X.
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