3. GRACE NOTES: Aspiration
[I spent this weekend on a silent retreat, and before I left I made the decision to use the following article from a previous issue in this week's newsletter. As it happens, I spent a good deal of my retreat musing on and releasing my compulsive perfectionism. How lovely to return home and reread these words, written months ago, about how to more lightly hold my aspirations. MLG]
I've been musing lately on what it is to aspire, as opposed to require. Here's the story.
It started with a rant to a friend about how tired I was of being endlessly dissatisfied with myself. "For God's sake, I never let up. I'm always after myself to be endlessly compassionate, flexible, intelligent, patient, resourceful, vigorous, visionary..."
As I heard myself reciting this litany, something in me leapt up and cheered. "Those are wonderful aspirations. You've got to love somebody who so truly yearns to embody those qualities. The problem is you've been holding them as minimum requirements instead of as honorable goals."
In that moment, I felt myself shift from requiring myself to perfectly embody these and other virtues to embracing and celebrating my heartfelt aspiration to embody them. For me it's been a powerful and liberating shift from an imposed and impossible standard to an interior and irresistible call.
It's important to distinguish aspiration from wishful thinking. True aspiration implies a real commitment, a connection with the quality or result we aspire to. Far from being a wimpy fall back position, aspiration honors the yearnings of our souls to be great and shapes our choices so that we move in the direction of that greatness.
I'm just as far from perfect as ever, only now I experience that distant perfection as my true and eventual home. In one sense, I have no idea how that can be true, given what I know about my limitations. Yet given what I am coming to know of my aspirations, I know that my homecoming is inevitable.
So certain is this sense of inevitability that I've discovered that I can rest in my aspirations. I can find in them a still point to ground and focus my sometimes frantic efforts to learn and grow. My aspirations are both compass and map, at least at this stage of the journey.
What have you been reaching for? How does this reflect your essential gifts, your great good fortune?
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5. OPEN FOR BUSINESS: Don't Be the Last One to Know
Honesty is important in business, and the headlines are full of the consequences when honesty is lacking. In fact, when we read about dishonesty in high places, we can sometimes miss the ways we are dishonest in our "little" businesses, especially the ways in which we are dishonest with ourselves.
As you may recall from grade school math, the first step in solving story problems is setting them up. Identifying the terms. Noticing what operations were involved. Sorting out the apples and oranges.
Every business problem is a story problem with the added complication that you are part of the story. It's hard enough to get the external terms and operations straight; it's nearly impossible if you are not crystal clear about your own motives, needs, and limitations.
Too often we approach complex business opportunities or challenges without taking our own measure. It's not just that we hide our agenda from others, we hide it from ourselves. It's a wonder any work gets done at all.
This week, take 15 minutes to reflect on some aspect of your business or work that has been troubling. Set a timer and sit with the following questions at least until the time is up. It will help if you write out your answers. If you are stumped by one question, move on to the next one, then come back to the ones you've skipped.
1. What do I know about this that I'm pretending not to understand?
2. What am I afraid of? How did I set that up?
3. What's my responsibility for this (let the other side of the street alone for now, just focus on your side).
4. What do I want, really?
5. What do I have to offer, really, whether or not I am ready to give it?
6. What's in the way of my being honest with myself?
7. What's in the way of my being honest with others about this?
8. From whom am I concealing my real concerns, motives, or beliefs?
Some of these questions may feel uncomfortable. Good! That's a sure sign that you've been keeping something from yourself. Keep asking these uncomfortable questions until you can face the answers squarely. Chances are that other people know or suspect what you've kept from yourself, so do yourself the favor of letting yourself in on the secret.
Honesty is not kid stuff. It's hard work. When you are tempted to wimp out, ask yourself if you can afford to be the last to know the truth.
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"The Essential Rumi," Coleman Barks.
This link is to the hardcover edition, which due to the vicissitudes of publishing is actually less expensive than the paperback. If you are acquainted with the works of this 13th century Persian mystic, you already know that they are masterpieces of inquiry into love and spirit. There are no fewer than 29 reviews for this book at Amazon.com so you can check it out at length before you buy. Then get two copiesóone for you, one for a friend.
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Two resources to help you show up authentically in business:
"Soul Proprietor, 101 Lessons from a Lifestyle Entreprenuer" by Jane Pollack. I liked this book from the first page. Pollack distills the lessons she's learned in building a business out of decorating eggs (no kidding) into evolutionary realizations rather than mere "how tos." Readers will finish this book wiser and more savvy not only in the ways of the business world but also with regard to the spiritual, mental, and emotional challenges of being a "soul proprietor." It's designed in short, easy-to-read nuggets that will inspire, motivate, and focus any sole proprietor, but especially those who are creative professionals.
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"In the Spotlight, Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking and Performance." Janet E. Esposito, MSW. Esposito suffered from crippling stagefright, a fear that she overcame. How she did that, and how you can do it too, is the subject of this highly readable book.
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By the way, Amazon.com is offering free shipping for orders over $100. What a great way to stock up your book shelves and get a head start on holiday gifts. Next week, in time for gift shopping, my top ten favorite books for personal and professional development.
Searching for a book or CD or other product on Amazon? When you use these links to Amazon search engines you support The New Leaf ™. Please visit and bookmark them today. Search US Search UK
7. COPYRIGHT | SPONSORS AND AFFILIATES | SUBSCRIBE/UN-SUBSCRIBE
Unless otherwise attributed, all material is written and edited by Molly Gordon, MCC.
Copyright (c) Shaboom, Inc. (tm) 2002. All rights reserved.
You may reprint or copy or distribute "The New Leaf(tm)" provided this copyright notice and a link to http://www.mollygordon.com is included.
Thank you for supporting "The New Leaf" by purchasing the products and services recommended here. Recommendations are based on my personal experience. I earn commissions on sales through some, but not all, of the links in this newsletter. If you are ever disappointed by a transaction with one of my affiliates, please let me know. If they don't make it right, I will!
Add yourself to or remove yourself from The New Leaf's mailing list at http://www.mollygordon.com.
8. QUICK LINKS: Guide to Recommended Products
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