Energy and Evidence

Article that appeared in The New Leaf ™.

Last week I wrote about the stories we tell ourselves and how they shape our lives. We tend to gather evidence to support the story we are telling. Gathering evidence takes time and energy. When we invest those resources in support of our stories we either advance or defeat our purpose in an extraordinarily effective manner. This is how stories become self fulfilling prophecies for good or for ill.

Here are some examples, with plausible alternatives in parentheses.

1. We assume we know someone else's motives and attributing a negative cast to them. "She drives because she's too stuck up to take the bus." (She's allergic to many chemicals and gets ill when she rides with us, even though she would like to.)
2. We assume that someone else is aware of everything we are aware of and that they attribute the same meaning to it. "He just ignored the bell even though he knew I would be late." (He did not notice it, or did not understand its significance.)
3. We assume that someone else anticipates the effect of their actions on our plans. "He got tickets for Friday even though he knows that I have a meeting on Saturday morning." (He forgot, or that was the only night for which tickets were available.)
4. We assume that when things go wrong we are going after the wrong goal. "I didn't get accepted into the art show. I guess I'm not meant to be an artist." (Art juries are notoriously hard to predict; I'll try another show or this show at another time.)
5. We assume that feeling overwhelmed means that we don't have what it takes to move forward. "I get so scared, I'm just not cut out for working for myself." (It sure is scary working for myself. It's important to have a support system to help me get my bearings back when I get overwhelmed.)
6. We assume that others hold us to impossibly high standards, sentencing ourselves to recurring experiences of shame. "Since I printed the wrong dates for my teleclass everyone will think I'm an idiot." (Everybody makes mistakes. I'll correct this one as simply and directly as I can and move on.)

Notice that every one of these pieces of evidence in support of a bad-news story begins with an ASSUMPTION. Fortunately, our tendency to gather evidence by assumption gives us an opportunity to interrupt the cycle of destructive story telling. Notice when you are making assumptions, and cultivate a critical detachment that allows you to ask:

1. Is this assumption REALLY valid?
2. Does assuming this improve the quality of my life?
3. Can I clarify or corroborate this assumption?
4. If I am unwilling to clarify or corroborate this assumption, am I willing to let it go?

When we are willing to examine our evidence with critical detachment we can readily uncover the falsehoods, bad-news scripts and crisis-oriented story lines that keep us stuck. Then we can powerfully choose to let go of false evidence and free up our energy to move forward.