Feelings Are Not Facts

Article that appeared in The New Leaf ™.

The ability to notice and respect your feelings and that of others is an essential component of emotional intelligence. It is not, however, enough. Emotional intelligence also involves recognition that feelings change. Feelings are not facts.

When we confuse the way we feel with the way we are, we use feelings as a bar to progress. "This is how I feel" can be tantamount to declaring, "This is my point of view and I'm not going to change it."

When we use our moods and emotions as evidence that something is a certain way and that's all there is to it, we are closed to conversations about the future and we are stuck in an unsatisfactory present.

It's easy to notice when someone else is doing this, and it can be harder to spot in ourselves. Pay attention this week to what you are really saying when you say, "This is how I feel." Are you disclosing your current emotional state or are you declaring that this is how it will always be? Are you inviting others to witness and understand you or are you really putting up a barrier to further communication?